Monday, April 27, 2009

My, what big thighs you have!

That is what my darling wife more or less said when she saw me getting ready for church this weekend. As she looked at me with the innocence of Little Red Riding Hood. I quickly hid them in my church pants and scowled at her thinking "if only her rear was big, I'd know just what to say to that!" as it is though, she's just a pint sized thing.

Are big thighs hunky? I didn't know. Was this a compliment or was she being critical? Last week I rode something like 110 miles in 5 days and what do I get? Big thighs. Great... I was hoping for big biceps or 6-pack abs, or better yet a tan or hair, but no, I just get big thighs. So here I am, pale, pasty, flabby and bald with a ripped pair of awesome thighs. Whoopty!

I don't bike ride for my health, if you know me, you know that I'll eat anything and couldn't care less about taking care of my body. I'm surprised I've made it this long. But now that I'm done with hibernating all this winter in traffic, and back on the bike, I've noticed a couple of things. Besides having hunky, ripped (albeit, pasty, hairy and scared from bike wrecks) thighs. I can't seem to stop eating. And drinking... oh my gosh, I'm like a fish. When I'm not riding I literally NEVER drink water. I wake up first thing each morning and stumble to the fridge and get a Mountain Dew and continue drinking them till right before bed. I have a handful of glasses of milk and orange juice throughout the week, but otherwise pop is all I drink. Never, never bland boring old water. But, when I'm riding I can't get enough. I drink a water bottle every hour or so while on the bike, and continue to drink glasses and glasses more for hours after the ride.

What about all the weight you've lost since starting to ride again, you ask? Thanks for bringing that up. Jerk. I gained 2 pounds last week. Oink, oink. I better stop bike riding so I can lose weight.

So here is my philosophy on bike riding: "Ride for fun, and to heck with the planet or your health. If your riding for any reason besides the pure unadulterated childlike rush of balancing yourself on two skinny wheels at high speeds, then you're probably not going to stick with it for long anyway." But, if you love to ride, then join me and my huge thighs out on the trails.


Thunder Thighs

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